Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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