I wannas sexs uuuuu
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
