Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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