if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
