is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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