Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
