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• (248): View more from Michigan

  It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  dude, osama threatened the US again

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  dude. i slept with your sister last night

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

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• (347): View more from New York

  So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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• (805): View more from California

  I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.

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• (619): View more from California

  I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!

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