I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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