I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
