Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
