I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
