If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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