well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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