i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
