My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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