Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize