Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize