sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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