Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
