I faked an abortion last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
