69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
