I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
