Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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