Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
