so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
