3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
