I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
