sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
