If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
