Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize