I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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