Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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