Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
