My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize