I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
