For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
