Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I look better un-naked...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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