If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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