Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
