I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
