nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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