i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
