I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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