Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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