but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
