Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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