We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
