Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
