just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize