This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
