Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
