Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
