Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
