I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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