toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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