Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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