apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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