I cockslap morals
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize