My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
