new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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