next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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