That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
