And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
