i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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