Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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