kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Houston, we have a squirter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
