Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
