Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
