My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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