You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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