is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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